12. Februar 2006, 15:20

"Say you don't love me!" - "I don't love you." - "Liar!"


I went out at Saturday night.

My parents are in Berlin at the weekend to visit a birthday party on Sunday, so we decided to go together to the pictures yesterday. We watched "Walk The Line", which has been really not bad. Although in between the story repeats a little bit itself. But there is a very emotional and touching end.

Actually, I don't like the music of Johnny Cash, that country-style. I just like his late "American Recordings"-series, which he recorded some years before he died. Those are more folk-song-style and they are full of sadness and grief and honesty.

It's remarkable, how well both actors sing the songs themselves in the movie. Well, but the voice of real Johnny Cash has been naturally more impressive. And I didn't like the synchronized voice of Reese Witherspoon - don't know why. Sometimes I missed the passion in that voice. Reese Witherspoon looks very adult in that movie - maybe because of her red-brown hair? I don't know, but all movie long she reminds me of some girl...

After the movie we joined with sister's family and had a huge, long dinner in a restaurant next to the cinema. Well, I like to go out at Saturday night!

4. Februar 2006, 01:10

I got a ticket for the FIFA-Worldcup!

So, I will visit the "very interesting" match Ukraine vs. Tunisia!
Doesn't matter which match - it just matters, I will take part!

17. Januar 2006, 18:43

I feel terrible. Wow, what some few words can cause...!

So, what is beauty? Am I pretty or not? Well, if I am not pretty, I am ugly. And is this really so important? And why does this so much disturb me?

Well, I feel as same bad as I felt rejection by a girl in children's camp. Is a normal friendship between a girl and a boy possible without mutual sexual attraction? Could I feel like a friend to someone, who I think is not pretty? So, I feel not very good to know, that my so-called friend has always almost to throw up when looking into my face. But is not a friendship mainly about meeting and seeing? Either, that friend is not a real friend then or there must be some other reason.

What is so wrong with me? Why are women not attracted by me? I really wonder! I am smart and intelligent. I am funny and humorous. I am sensible and passionate. I am helpful and friendly. I am curious and committed. I am not selfish and not nasty. So, what else is the reason? That I am ugly? Well, sorry, but I don't think so, although I am not so far from reality, that I would think I would be the dream of women. But there are many more men, who look less favourable, particularly in my age!

The only girls, who feel attracted by me, are fat, dumb beasts, who will end with fat, dumb males on their couches in front of dumb afternoon TV-shows. But I prefer young, slim, smart, nice(!) and pretty (not necessarly beautiful) girls. Is this too much, what I desire? Do those girls even exist? Well, in my opinion, there is in every human being some beauty, actually. But there is a difference between beauty and sexual attraction, at least in my point of view. Maybe this is a general men's problem?

Well, I don't know, I don't know.

The only thing I know is I was so much looking forward to, but this has decreased dramatically.

26. Dezember 2005, 17:55

White Christmas in Berlin

24. Dezember 2005, 02:17

And again it has become Christmas, the most horrible time in a life of a lonesome single man, as well as New Year's Eve and every Saturday Night.

And the horror in a single's life always is when you feel the loneliness, and you feel it especially at a time, when all people meet eachother, celebrate together, going out, eat, enjoy - as at these times.

Well, but I already know, what I will do to survive this year's Christmas Eve. I will watch on DVD all three parts of "The Lord of the Rings" in Special Extendend Editions. And so this day will go by, too.

14. Dezember 2005, 16:48

Last night I watched a movie in cinema, "Factotum".

Several years ago, I can remember, I was reading the book by Charles Bukowski, but I just can remember, it was about drinking, fucking and drinking again, as all books by him, of course.

So, the film is like this, too. Actually nothing really happened in that movie, just drinking, throwing up, sex and lose new jobs as fast as possible.

So, has been that movie good or not. I cannot decide. Well, it was already interesting to see an American movie about unemployed and homeless people, although the movie was produced with Norwgian collaboration, as far as I could see. I just knew (good) movies about this from European cinema (except Germany).

The only thing, I could critisize, has been the main actor, Matt Dillon. In my opinion, he was just too young and still too handsome for the main-role, although they tried to make him look a little bit more unattractive.

By the way, it was funny to see, that the woman, he lived in the movie with, is called Jan.

8. Dezember 2005, 17:30

Woman I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfullness,
For showing me the meaning of succsess,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Woman please let me explain,
I never mean(t) to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah)...

"Woman" by John Lennon, murdered on December, 8th, 1980 - 25 years ago

19. November 2005, 15:55

Hey, I have shaved! What an amazing event in an amazing life, right?!

Yesterday I has been to the birthday-party of my brother-in-law. After some talk and dinner we played with friends and relatives the game "Trivial Pursuit". Well, I am rather good in this game. I was back home at 3 am.

So, but what else is so amazing in my life at the moment? The last days and weeks I spent a lot of time with chats and a computer-game. But, I think, it is really time to do something else. In reality! Travel or/and meet some friends, for instance...

4. November 2005, 18:37

Last week I received a letter from the local job-center. I got offered a so-called 1-Euro-Job. I should meet for an interview and today that meeting took part.

In Germany when you are longer unemployed than one year, you get some kind of social welfare, which is 345 Euro per month, added by the costs for your appartement and heating costs. For those people, there were created these so-called 1-Euro-Jobs, which means, you have to work mainly in social facilities for between 1 and 2 Euros per hour. You get this money extra plus your social welfare. These 1-Euro-Jobs are usually limited to six months. And you cannot reject to do them, normally.

Well, I am not very pleased to do such work. In my opinion, it is just wasted time. But many others here are glad, when they get at least such work in our time of economical crisis and over five million unemployed people in Germany. Well, but not me. I don't need to be cared that I don't sit bored at home. And for me, my freedom and spare time is more worth than 1 Euro per hour, in my eyes. I don't care about 120 Euro more each month.

So, in that interview again first the same question about my working past and what I wanna to become, where and what I wanna work, which I even don't know for myself. The friendly woman tried to find some appropriate workplace for me, but she couldn't really. Well, I wasn't so enthusiastic to work on a graveyard or to go walking with old people or to care about homeless people.

So, I told her, that I would prefer not to do these jobs at all, if I don't have to. Better someone get this job, who really wants it, than to force me to do work, I don't wanna do. She might have understood me, she hadn't to organize some workplace for me anymore. I just hope, I don't get trouble now with the job-center, because they could cut my welfare or I could get other problems with it.

27. Oktober 2005, 17:49

...jumping in my back...ellbow in my face...jumping on my feet and toes...

On Tuesday I have been to the concert of "The White Stripes" here in Columbia Hall, Berlin.

When I bought the ticket few months ago I really was looking forward to that concert, but the excitement hasn't remained long, so I thought about to sell the ticket again, because the concert was sold out. But eventually I decided to go there, just to do again something and to go out again for a night. But I haven't expected something special - and I was right. Well, but the music is still very good , of course!

I am really wondering, if I have become to old for rock-concerts. Hopefully not! But there was so much, what I didn't like. First the many smokers and therefore bad air in the hall. Before the concerts started, I was busily blowing away the cigarette-smoke of all the other ones.

And when the concert began it was just horror, when the crowd began to jump and just to freak out. In my opinion, the music of The White Stripes are not so much appropriate for jumping and "pogo". Well, but many other ones weren't that opinion there, obviously. Well, and I cannot deny, that sometimes to jump and freak out can be real fun... The problem is only, you don't see anything of the concert. Well, most of the time, I had to defend myself against jumping fans. Well, but sometimes, I also jumped with them..."I jumped back!"

The group played actually all hits and it was just good. I just wished, the singer had more interact with the audience. So, it has just looked like a normal working day for the group. I just don't like, when the groups just enter the stage, play their gig and leave again. It's nothing special with it then, I hadn't to go to concert and pay for it - to listen to cd had been the same.

Finally, the concert has reminded me a bit to a concert of Iggy Pop, which I had been to several years ago, too, at the same location: much jumping, a lot of sweating, bad air, good music, short concert. It has been good to see them once - but once is enough.