17. Januar 2006, 18:43

I feel terrible. Wow, what some few words can cause...!

So, what is beauty? Am I pretty or not? Well, if I am not pretty, I am ugly. And is this really so important? And why does this so much disturb me?

Well, I feel as same bad as I felt rejection by a girl in children's camp. Is a normal friendship between a girl and a boy possible without mutual sexual attraction? Could I feel like a friend to someone, who I think is not pretty? So, I feel not very good to know, that my so-called friend has always almost to throw up when looking into my face. But is not a friendship mainly about meeting and seeing? Either, that friend is not a real friend then or there must be some other reason.

What is so wrong with me? Why are women not attracted by me? I really wonder! I am smart and intelligent. I am funny and humorous. I am sensible and passionate. I am helpful and friendly. I am curious and committed. I am not selfish and not nasty. So, what else is the reason? That I am ugly? Well, sorry, but I don't think so, although I am not so far from reality, that I would think I would be the dream of women. But there are many more men, who look less favourable, particularly in my age!

The only girls, who feel attracted by me, are fat, dumb beasts, who will end with fat, dumb males on their couches in front of dumb afternoon TV-shows. But I prefer young, slim, smart, nice(!) and pretty (not necessarly beautiful) girls. Is this too much, what I desire? Do those girls even exist? Well, in my opinion, there is in every human being some beauty, actually. But there is a difference between beauty and sexual attraction, at least in my point of view. Maybe this is a general men's problem?

Well, I don't know, I don't know.

The only thing I know is I was so much looking forward to, but this has decreased dramatically.