20. Januar 2004, 23:29

"Idiot! Asshole! L-O-S-E-R! Дурак! Жулик!Virtual Fucker! Fuck Off!..."

Hmmm,...any other "nice" words you have for me?! Or is this your normality, how you usually treat your friends? Is this your typical friendship-language? I cannot imagine.

I don't know, why our conversations always or at least often end in anger, argument and worries. Is this really always my fault? But what do I wrong? I really don't know.

Am I really such an asshole or idiot? Do I demand too much? I never really intend to hurt you or to bother you or to harass you. But, apparantly, you think, that I want to do that with anything I say - this isnt the case!

19. Januar 2004, 19:29

What do you think, I have done all day today...? ;-)

18. Januar 2004, 21:08

+++ woke up +++ got up +++ looking out the window +++ surprisingly, sun was shining after all those grey and rainy days +++ washed, brushed teeth +++ had breakfast +++ got some news and information from internet +++ listened to music ("felt mountain" by goldfrapp) +++ cleaned the room (a bit) +++ had a walk to the "mauerpark" (just half an hour, just around the corner) +++ listened to music ("storm" by heather nova) +++ (sundays i often listen to cds) +++ had a shower +++ chatted with a friend +++ listened to music ["greendale" by neil young (first time i listened to my christmas-present)] +++ prepared a meal ("shnitzel s garnirom") +++ ate that meal +++ watched the tv-news +++ watched a criminal-story on tv +++ continued a computer-game +++chatted with a very, very good, foreign girlfriend :-))) +++ washed, brushed teeth +++ went to bed +++ tried to fall asleep +++

17. Januar 2004, 17:54

"People say I'm crazy, doing what I'm doing
Well, they give me all kinds of warning to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm okay
Well, they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now
You no longer play the game

People say I'm lazy, dreaming my life away
Well, they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine
Watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time, boy
You're no longer on the ball

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry go round
I just had to let it go

Ah, people asking questions, lost in confusion
Well, I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well, they shake their heads and look at me
As if I lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry go round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go"

"Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon

16. Januar 2004, 19:30

I don't feel so good today...still neck-aches...back-aches and hard head-aches... And now aches my stomach, too! I hope, a healthy peppermint-tea will help.

And I hope not to become seriously ill!

15. Januar, 21:41

Ok, not much done today...have written a letter to a friend, written some emails because of little financial troubles...and listen to music...

...And now I am going to watch a very good movie -->"The Deer Hunter"...

See you!

14. Januar 2004, 22:16

About work

In my opinion, work prevents us to do and experience the really important things in life. My theory: "Work is just wasted precious life-time!"

I am sure, over 90 percent of all workers are unhappy with their work. Nobody likes to work. There are only very, very rare opportunities, that people are enjoying their work, because they had the chance to make their hobbies a work or really work in a business, they are interested in. It is a matter of fact, that standing on the assembly line or sitting in front of a PC with stupid, boring charts and numbers are absolutely not very enjoyable.

You get up already before sunrise, still sleepy, like a robot. And you come back, at late the day, exhausted and tired. Just happy to fall asleep in front of the TV. This is not, what I would call life!

Well, yes, you might have got more money in your pockets...but what for? When you are home at last, then you are not in the mood any more to go to cinema, to go to caf? or even to read a book. You have just enough concentration to follow silly, dumb TV-reality-container-shows. No, thank you, I dont want that!

And I know, what I am speaking of. I have done this two and one year. And I see my father and my sister's husband. They have been going to work for years, and even for decades. My father fall asleep already when he is sitting on a chair. He has worked in his factory for almost fifty years. But what for? He hasn't become rich. And I don't think, he become happy in it - right the contrary. And my sister's husband: working in three shifts. It happens mostly once a year, that he goes to cinema, to a concert. Has he more money? Don't know. Maybe. But some years ago, even I had to lent them some money for a holiday-trip with the family. Is he happy? I really doubt it.

So, it always comes to that question - How to become happy, what means happiness. Well, I have a different view about happiness. This is, at any case, not!

Well, yes, I also would like to have more money. Mainly to be able to invite foreign friends to me and to be able to travel. And I am absolutely certain, that I have to face this problem someday, soon, now. But I wouldn't mind, if it would wait some days. I am absolutely not keen to lose my independence, to lose my freedom. And I expect to work for not much more money, that I have now without working. Also, because I haven't really learnt anything serious. I just hope to find a job with pleasant colleagues. This would be the most important - not to work with assholes, idiots, hypocrites. But often you dont have such luck.

So, that's my thoughts on work, my point of view. Am I not right?

By the way, what is this life? What does it mean?


"...and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854)

13. Januar 2004, 21:42

About boredom

So, you think, my life is boring?! Well, you might be right...BUT:

I DO read books, I DO listen to CDs, I DO listen to the radio, I DO watch DVDs, I DO go to cinema, I DO go to the theater, I DO go to museums, I DO go to exhibitions, I DO go to concerts, I DO go to demonstrations, I DO play computer-games, I DO read the news, I DO watch TV, I DO go to football-matches, I DO travel to my friends (even abroad), I DO ride my motocycle, I DO ride my bicycle, I DO walk through parks, I DO enjoy ice-cream and I DO like to talk to you!

It is on you to decide that is "boring"...

Do you wanna know, how my life was, when I have been working for two years? I fall asleep in front of the TV already at 8 or 9 pm. Not in the mood to do anything more! Wow, how exciting that life was!!!

By the way, what is this life? What is it for? What does it mean?

12. Januar 2004, 21:32

"Oh my love for the first time in my life
My eyes are wide open
Oh my lover for the first time in my life
My eyes can see

I see the wind, oh I see the trees
Everything is clear in my heart
I see the clouds, oh I see the sky
Everything is clear in our world

Oh my love for the first time in my life
My mind is wide open
Oh my lover for the first time in my life
My mind can feel

I feel the sorrow, oh I feel the dreams
Everything is clear in my heart
I feel life, oh I feel love
Everything is clear in our world"

"Oh My Love" by John Lennon

11. Januar 2004, 16:00

Where are you, for heaven's sake? What are you doing? Are you still alive?

Are you beginning to forget me? -
I hope not!
Am I beginning to lose you? -
I hope not!
Are you beginning to lose me? -
I hope not!

I am really a bit worrying. Last night I fell asleep just after 4 am; you make me crazy! Please give me a sign!